I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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