Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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