Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
