Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
