I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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