A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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