My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
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