There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
