i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
