I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
