Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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