I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
