Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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