three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
