you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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