just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
