Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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