Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
