you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
