Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
