My liver just broke up with me...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
