I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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