I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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