That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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