Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
