i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
