Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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