woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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