oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
