am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
