I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
