they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
