My brain says no but my pants say off.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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