"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
