Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
