grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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