I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
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