the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
