And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
