Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
