I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
