Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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