I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
