my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
