this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
