Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
