dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
