i already hear my dad disowning me
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
