I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
