I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
