i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
