Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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