I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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